Grit with Glitter

So much has happened since I began to share my latest health saga, and I find myself at a place that is unusual for me… at a loss for words.

I was so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from my friends and family that I started to feel guilty. Which might seem to some like an odd reaction, but one that I have learned may be due to the particular way in which my brain works. (I recently got diagnosed with ADHD, largely as a result of TikTok- but that is a longer story for another day.)

If you reached out to send me love and share your wishes of support and your much welcomed prayers, please know that every like and comment and text and email and donation made in honor of my birthday meant a great deal to me. But a lot of you probably never heard back. That is where the guilt comes in, I have an ever-growing amount of half-written draft emails and text messages and responses that I crafted in my head and but haven’t had a chance to actually send.

You all wanted to know what you could do for me and I am so grateful, but the truth is that my family kind of has this whole “dealing with another bizarre health crisis from Natalie” thing down by this point. With the girls older, it is a much different scenario. We have worked out the carpool thing most days and with my mom only 5 minutes away we are pretty much set.

There is something that you can do though, and that is to help me slow down and get the rest my body desperately needs.

Because, after my last surgery in November, I had every intention of taking an entire week off to recover. But some unexpected issues left us short-staffed and with far more work than people. So I did that thing that I do (that both my family and my therapist hate,) and I pushed through the pain to be in the office every day that week. I felt like people needed to see me there. That I would help them know that everything was going to work out in the long run, and could tell them in person how very normal it is to have growing pains when organizations make the kind of jump in size that we are looking at over the next couple of years.

I also want to give a safe space for all the feelings that come along with that, because growing pains are named because they literally hurt sometimes. One of my favorite jokes to make if someone (who may or may not be me) gets emotional at work is to say, “It’s OK, this is not baseball, crying is allowed here.” Then I either get a chuckle from those who are old enough to remember “A League of their Own,” or blank stares from our younger folks, so we might have to do that one for our next movie night!

But while I am glad I was there for my people that week, I also know that I cannot I keep trying to fill all the gaps myself, to be strong enough to do everything and not put any extra burden on my team. But, it turns out that I am in fact a human with limitations and I have hit the end of how much I can do without further damage to my physical and mental health. Which is very annoying!

I hope that if I do nothing else with this blog, I help give an honest window into the brain of someone who is in the middle of dealing with a major health issue, especially one (like mine) that is something that won’t ever fully go away and that will be a factor in the rest of my life, no matter how hard that is to accept.

The other day someone at the office used the term “burden” about themselves and I responded with something that I later wrote in my journal to remember. Also, “my journal” is basically the unpublished drafts of this blog and the notes section on my phone. Regardless, I still think this was something that might help other people to hear:

I know how lucky I am that I have found a path that lets me use the absolute worst things in my life to help bring hope to others. I get to turn my pain into purpose, and even though my path has been extremely hard, it is also a gift. And I get to spend a lot of time in that “both” category- a burden (though my family would never say it that way) and a blessing through my work at Annie’s Place.

I love something that our youth minister (and a good friend) asks the kids all the time.. “What are you?” And they are supposed to answer “a blessing.” Although on Christmas Eve one little boy shouted “a human!” which is funny because it’s true. But if we really can teach our kids to grow up to believe they are a blessing to this world, just by being the person they are, how much good could they then do?

So, for everyone that sees the organization that I have had the privilege of creating from my suffering as a blessing, I am going to flat out ask a favor. Right now, I need help making sure that Annie’s Place has the resources to hire the people we need so that I can actually focus on my health. I can’t continue at my current pace, and I would never ask it of anyone else. That means we need more people so that we can spread the work to a manageable level.

In our current plan we have several hires that will be instrumental in getting to the next step, but as a non-profit, we have to raise the money before we can hire them.

I have made a lot of asks in the 9 years of getting Annie’s Place up and running, but I think this is possibly the first I have made directly as a request for help- not just for our families, but for me.

From now until midnight of December 31st, 2023, we have a matching pledge so that all donations to Annie’s Place are doubled. If you really want to help me navigate this newest challenge, the best way to do it is to help me raise the money to hire the people I need to support this growth and allow me the chance to take a break when I need it.

As I go into 2024, I know there is at least one more surgery in the near future, but I have no idea how extensive that will be or if I will need more treatment after that.

If you can, please consider making an end-of-year donation to Annie’ s Place. If you would have signed up for a meal train to help feed my family, please think about donating what that would have cost you with the added benefit of a tax-deduction instead!

If now is a good time for you to give, I can honestly say it is the best way to help me. If not, I totally get it. Maybe think of a friend or neighbor who does need the offer of a delicious home cooked meal and share with them. And when you start to feel like a burden, which we all do at some point, remember that that season will eventually pass and you might just get the chance to use your hard experiences as a blessing for someone else.

To donate now, go to the Annie’s Place website and maybe ask your company- after all, we serve more than 80% low and moderate income families and can be a last minute use of CRA funds for my banking friends!